Reflections - 2023 - with Host Susan Ney | HR 66

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Hi, welcome to the podcast HR inside out. I'm your

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host Susan day, and I can't believe it. Another year has

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gone by and oh my goodness, what a year it's been. In 2023. We've

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delved in delved into subjects of ageism, psychological safety,

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simplicity, customer service, and we talked what attributes of

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leadership. We enjoyed learning with such phenomenal guests as

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Sharon Summerfield, on nourishing your well being and

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preventing burnout was important. samp, the Aaronic

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knighting the dream Aleister mousse on anger management that

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enhance our creating better relationships at home and at

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work. And Lisa Wilson on leading with ease. As I contemplate

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podcasts for 2024, I'll be touching on things like building

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resiliency, power of the paradox, more on dealing with

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conflict, and interviewing individuals able to share what

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it's like to work in a recruiting firm, a search firm,

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to learn more about AI, and to explore what it's like to work

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in some of those fascinating occupations that are perhaps a

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little bit different. And maybe not maybe some of those ones

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that aren't with specific regard to the organizations that we

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work with them. My goodness, in my consulting work, I continue

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to see the same challenges that have plagued organizations

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throughout my career, desire for more communication, wishing to

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understand the why of decisions, internal conflicts, writing

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challenges between colleagues, and certainly recruitment and

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retention concerns and workloads being described as not laughable

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that they're so unreasonable often because of those

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recruitment challenges and not being able to fill vacancies.

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Lots organizations are continuing to struggle to find

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the balance between working from home and working remotely or

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working at the office. commutes, of course, are getting crazier

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certainly for those of us living in the Lower Mainland of British

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Columbia. Balancing family needs with work life balance, and

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everyone wanting more for last message that's not been heard by

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our grocery stores, that's for sure. But you know all of this

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already. And reflecting over the past year, and what I felt,

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focus this podcast should be I decided to pull my book

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leadership Inside Out effecting change from within off the

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shelf, and share some of my writing and reminders of the

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part that we can each play in helping make our lives better

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and in doing that, often making organizations better as well.

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Now I start with a quote from a town show rare when we realize

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that we are the choosers and that we have the power, we need

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not wait for others make decisions about our life. We

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cannot possibly be a victim. No such that I strongly support

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throughout my book. Now communication is something that

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I'll continue to polish. I'm going to start here and I'm

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going to start with a reflection on a YouTube video. It's one of

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the more powerful ones that I've seen. How goes a blind man who

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was homeless is begging for coins. A woman stops and instead

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of giving money, she takes out a black belt pen and changes the

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message on the mountains cardboard sign. And as a result

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of her action, many more people put coins into this man's cup.

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When the woman walks past man at the end of the day, she stops in

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front of him. Now he recognizes her footstep and asks what she's

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done. She tells them she has done nothing, but use different

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words to communicate this message. Instead of helped me

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I'm blind. The sign now reads it's a beautiful day and I can't

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see it. The video concludes with a powerful message. Change your

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words. Change your world

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Our our day to day perhaps instead of telling someone that

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they look nice now from what it is about how they look, that

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prompted me to say that I was very fortunate to work with

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communication expert, Joe Schaffer. In the course that I

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was involved in, he had, the cohort group formed small

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groups, and we were each given the same number of stones. We

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then took turns placing these as we wished, on a mat in each of

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our small circles. It was an exercise that we did in silence,

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you can only place one stone at a time. And by each person, the

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group having an equal ability to influence the outcome. It was

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fascinating to see whether diverse designs that were

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created by the different small groups. So really powerful way

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of helping us understand that as one testimonial to Joe states,

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creating conversation, and for ending patterns of domination in

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our relationships. If you're interested in learning more, you

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might want to pick up Joe's book, the stone people living

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together in a different world. She talked about throwing stones

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as metaphor for words is akin to yelling. But carefully placing

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those stones creates a very different outcome. through play,

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we were able to see different perspectives, we were able to

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influence outcomes, and we actually were able to create and

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resolve conflict. The experience reminded me of the childhood

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chant sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will

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never hurt me. Now as I grew older, I understood that a

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broken bone with mend words, actually had the power to grow

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exponentially in the damage that I allowed to my psyche. Now I do

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emphasize the loud, although rationally, I realized that I

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chose to accept the comments made by others. Recognizing that

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any content might not be deserved, it's always more

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difficult for me to accept. We often don't pay attention to the

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words that we use and how we communicate with one another. So

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it's really no wonder that there are so many interpersonal

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conflicts, linking our environments, we don't

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communicate well on an individual basis. So when you

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multiply that there are larger and larger numbers of NGOs, NGOs

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working well together or not, we can all suffer the consequences

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of that. The personal experience is that this is an area most

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organizations and we as individuals could improve on.

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Certainly the results from organizational engagement

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surveys confirm that communication is viewed as

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critical and is frequently done poorly. Messages must be sent in

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a multitude of ways through numerous channels, before

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information is actually received. It's also about the

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quality of those conversations, which is skillfully explored by

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Susan Scott and her book fierce conversations, achieving success

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at work, and in life, one conversation at a time. Much of

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communication is actually through your tone of voice and

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facial expressions. We tend to trust what we hear when we can

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receive the full picture of the delivery. And in our very busy

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world. The ability to receive messages this way, is quickly

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becoming less available to us. A video messaging certainly helps.

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But unfortunately, the human touch required is just that

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touch that handshake, a smile of furrowed brow of concern, all

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important and quickly becoming lost arts. So take the time as

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the woman in YouTube, the YouTube video did make a

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positive difference through the use of your words. Change your

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words, change your world. So the conversation that you have had,

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or the oral message and the message being conveyed through

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the person's body language, we're not in sync. How can make

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you feel if you oversee people in any capacity, can you think

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of ways that you might be able to move to big have a better

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communicator and make that difference. In my book, I also

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write about conflict. And they start with a quote by Albert

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Einstein, in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.

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Now, I suspect at some point in our careers, we've all offered

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our skills in conflict laden situations. Individuals not

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getting along someone not pulling their weight, dealing

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with tardiness, excessive absenteeism, bad behavior, rules

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not being followed. You know, enough, all the examples. And

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all too often these get tolerated, ignored, excused, and

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basically not dealt with. I've been in situations and allowed

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me to address many of these issues issues, often

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successfully, not always. Are they others where I've been

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stymied in doing so. I've also been the avoider giving far too

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much leeway to individuals who didn't require that yet another

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chance, have been the leader who didn't act in a timer timely

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manner. I've also been the leader who coached another only

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to watch the required action never happened. Why? Well, I can

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speak to my own difficulty when conflict management and where it

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comes from. I grew up in an environment where there was one

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type of punishment and there was no talking involved. As a

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family, it was basically do as you're told, we didn't yell. But

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it was also not taught how to resolve conflict in a healthy

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manner. my Bachelor of Business Admin degree didn't touch the

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subject. So I probably like you learned through experience, that

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a lot of mistakes along the way, and have benefited from

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individuals like conflict specialist Gary Harper, who

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helped me put a different light on the subject of conflict. And

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as I shared in the last podcast, he has an excellent book the joy

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of conflict resolution. And he talks about conflict being a

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signal that something needs attention. He also talked about

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every conflict, always involving a victim, a hero and a villain.

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And we experience all three of these have been different

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points. He had us do a role playing exercise that helped me

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see conflict from the perspective of all three roles.

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And it really helped me understand the part that I was

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playing in conflicts that I was dealing with the time being

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willing to see a situation from the others perspective, is

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really helpful and understanding where they're coming from. And

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it's also super helpful in building empathy and finding

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collaborative resolutions. To read and it wasn't through Gary,

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that many of the things that trigger us are also signs for us

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to heed. There might be something in ourselves, that

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means looking at mirrors to our blind spots, and we all have

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buttons. So building our comfort and capability and dealing

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appropriately with conflict needs constant polishing. I'm

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reminded of a situation where I was working with a union rep

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that I felt quite challenged by I found him rude and

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disrespectful, unwilling to listen and unhelpful in a

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situation that requires both to tackle things together. Yet Prix

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racing, a matter that I've felt has been resolved. It's only

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dawned on me recently, that he probably could have said the

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same things about me. Perhaps if I'd given him the respect to

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hear him out on the matter, that was obviously still a problem

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for him. You might have provided me with the same we were both

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being bullheaded. We're both so intent on being right, that we

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lost the opportunity to find a better way of working together.

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Thomas Crump provides us with wise words, in a conflict, be

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willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a

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viewing point, a higher marks bounce of place, which we see

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both sides. conflict avoidance happens all the time. We want

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people to like us having to call someone out on their behavior

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leaves many of us anxious. This is where teaching moments are so

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so valuable. So addressing an undesired action when an

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individual is just exhibited that action means the learning

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is timely and the required Word changed behavior, it's so much

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easier to reference.

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There are lots of excellent courses available will help us

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with the right words, process and timing for those required

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conversations, because when we don't have them, the individual

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is sometimes unaware of the need to change. And our inaction

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creates ripples because others are also likely experiencing the

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undesirable situation, and may also be suffering as a result.

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It's important we learn to do this well. So the one our life

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circumstances, necessitate conflict resolution at home, in

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our sports teams, or their families, or their friends, we

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can appropriately step up. When you deal with conflict, are you

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really able to listen to what the person is saying? without

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interrupting? Are they finished? Might complex situations be

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indicators of your own blind spots that get in your way? Have

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you ever considered but they these might be indicators of

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your own unmet needs. So excerpts from the book,

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leadership truly is from the inside out. And we do affect

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change from within us. First within ourselves, and as we

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change that can't help but change our organizations as

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well. You know, if you've listened to the podcast, that I

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encourage you to dare to soar, because I truly believe that you

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can. I conclude the book with the use of acronyms. As we move

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into the next year, you might find these helpful. When you

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wish to soar. Start with s for silence. Take time to be quiet

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and to reflect. Oh are open. Remember to keep yourself open.

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A are aware. Use them using all of your senses, including your

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intuition. Are for reflect might be the ripples. Think about what

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might happen. When you dare to take action, there's a fair

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word. Be for decide, make that decision, a per act. Act on that

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decision are for regard the potential and the actual

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ripples, feedback on awareness that paying attention and E. Re

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engage and expand, encourage and energize and embracing the real

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you. I wish you success. I wish you strength as you choose to

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build your own wings and to find the thermals that will take you

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where you wish to go. Finally as Michael Suor Alex's Tueller

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reminds us the bad news is Time flies. The good news is you're

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the pilot. So just do it. There to soar. Thank you for listening

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and for supporting HR inside out. And if I piqued your

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curiosity, my book leadership Inside Out effecting change from

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within is available on Amazon. It's a fun read. And the link is

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in the show notes to the podcast. wishing you and yours

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the very best of the holiday season. Good health, happiness

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and much success in 2024 to help you learn with you again next

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month, Susan signing out. Bye for now.