Episode 66

Reflections - 2023 - with Host Susan Ney | HR 66

Episode Intro:

2023 and oh, what a year! Reflections – everything changes but so much stays the same – using excerpts from my book Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from Within on improving communication and conflict resolution. And more!

Interested in learning more? Hope you will join me!


About the Host:

Susan has worked with people all her life. As a human resource professional, she has specialized in all aspects of employment, from hiring to retirement. She got her start as a national representative for a large Canadian union. After pursuing an undergrad degree in business administration, Susan transitioned to HR management, where she aspired to bring

both employee and management perspectives to her work. Susan holds a Master of Arts degree in Leadership and Training. She retired from her multi-decade career in HR to pursue writing and consulting, and to be able, in her words, to “colour outside the lines.” She promises some fun and lots of learning through this podcast series. 

Susan is also the author of the book Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from

Within available on Amazon – click below

Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from Within: Ney, Susan G: 9781777030162: Books - Amazon.ca


If you wish to contact Susan, she can be reached through any of the following:

Website:          Home - Effecting Change from Within

Email:               susangney@gmail.com

Linked In:         www.linkedin.com/in/susan-ney-197494

Facebook:        www.facebook.com/susan.ney.5/

Phone:            (604) 341-5643


Thanks for listening!

It means so much that you listened to this podcast!  If you know of anyone else who might find this series of interest, please share. If you have questions about this episode, please send me an email at susangney@gmail.com


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Transcript
Susan Ney:

Hi, welcome to the podcast HR inside out. I'm your

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host Susan day, and I can't believe it. Another year has

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gone by and oh my goodness, what a year it's been. In 2023. We've

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delved in delved into subjects of ageism, psychological safety,

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simplicity, customer service, and we talked what attributes of

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leadership. We enjoyed learning with such phenomenal guests as

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Sharon Summerfield, on nourishing your well being and

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preventing burnout was important. samp, the Aaronic

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knighting the dream Aleister mousse on anger management that

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enhance our creating better relationships at home and at

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work. And Lisa Wilson on leading with ease. As I contemplate

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podcasts for 2024, I'll be touching on things like building

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resiliency, power of the paradox, more on dealing with

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conflict, and interviewing individuals able to share what

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it's like to work in a recruiting firm, a search firm,

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to learn more about AI, and to explore what it's like to work

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in some of those fascinating occupations that are perhaps a

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little bit different. And maybe not maybe some of those ones

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that aren't with specific regard to the organizations that we

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work with them. My goodness, in my consulting work, I continue

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to see the same challenges that have plagued organizations

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throughout my career, desire for more communication, wishing to

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understand the why of decisions, internal conflicts, writing

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challenges between colleagues, and certainly recruitment and

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retention concerns and workloads being described as not laughable

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that they're so unreasonable often because of those

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recruitment challenges and not being able to fill vacancies.

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Lots organizations are continuing to struggle to find

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the balance between working from home and working remotely or

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working at the office. commutes, of course, are getting crazier

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certainly for those of us living in the Lower Mainland of British

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Columbia. Balancing family needs with work life balance, and

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everyone wanting more for last message that's not been heard by

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our grocery stores, that's for sure. But you know all of this

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already. And reflecting over the past year, and what I felt,

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focus this podcast should be I decided to pull my book

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leadership Inside Out effecting change from within off the

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shelf, and share some of my writing and reminders of the

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part that we can each play in helping make our lives better

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and in doing that, often making organizations better as well.

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Now I start with a quote from a town show rare when we realize

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that we are the choosers and that we have the power, we need

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not wait for others make decisions about our life. We

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cannot possibly be a victim. No such that I strongly support

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throughout my book. Now communication is something that

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I'll continue to polish. I'm going to start here and I'm

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going to start with a reflection on a YouTube video. It's one of

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the more powerful ones that I've seen. How goes a blind man who

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was homeless is begging for coins. A woman stops and instead

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of giving money, she takes out a black belt pen and changes the

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message on the mountains cardboard sign. And as a result

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of her action, many more people put coins into this man's cup.

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When the woman walks past man at the end of the day, she stops in

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front of him. Now he recognizes her footstep and asks what she's

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done. She tells them she has done nothing, but use different

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words to communicate this message. Instead of helped me

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I'm blind. The sign now reads it's a beautiful day and I can't

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see it. The video concludes with a powerful message. Change your

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words. Change your world

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Our our day to day perhaps instead of telling someone that

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they look nice now from what it is about how they look, that

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prompted me to say that I was very fortunate to work with

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communication expert, Joe Schaffer. In the course that I

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was involved in, he had, the cohort group formed small

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groups, and we were each given the same number of stones. We

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then took turns placing these as we wished, on a mat in each of

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our small circles. It was an exercise that we did in silence,

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you can only place one stone at a time. And by each person, the

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group having an equal ability to influence the outcome. It was

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fascinating to see whether diverse designs that were

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created by the different small groups. So really powerful way

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of helping us understand that as one testimonial to Joe states,

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creating conversation, and for ending patterns of domination in

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our relationships. If you're interested in learning more, you

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might want to pick up Joe's book, the stone people living

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together in a different world. She talked about throwing stones

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as metaphor for words is akin to yelling. But carefully placing

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those stones creates a very different outcome. through play,

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we were able to see different perspectives, we were able to

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influence outcomes, and we actually were able to create and

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resolve conflict. The experience reminded me of the childhood

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chant sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will

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never hurt me. Now as I grew older, I understood that a

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broken bone with mend words, actually had the power to grow

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exponentially in the damage that I allowed to my psyche. Now I do

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emphasize the loud, although rationally, I realized that I

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chose to accept the comments made by others. Recognizing that

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any content might not be deserved, it's always more

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difficult for me to accept. We often don't pay attention to the

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words that we use and how we communicate with one another. So

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it's really no wonder that there are so many interpersonal

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conflicts, linking our environments, we don't

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communicate well on an individual basis. So when you

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multiply that there are larger and larger numbers of NGOs, NGOs

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working well together or not, we can all suffer the consequences

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of that. The personal experience is that this is an area most

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organizations and we as individuals could improve on.

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Certainly the results from organizational engagement

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surveys confirm that communication is viewed as

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critical and is frequently done poorly. Messages must be sent in

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a multitude of ways through numerous channels, before

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information is actually received. It's also about the

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quality of those conversations, which is skillfully explored by

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Susan Scott and her book fierce conversations, achieving success

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at work, and in life, one conversation at a time. Much of

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communication is actually through your tone of voice and

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facial expressions. We tend to trust what we hear when we can

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receive the full picture of the delivery. And in our very busy

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world. The ability to receive messages this way, is quickly

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becoming less available to us. A video messaging certainly helps.

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But unfortunately, the human touch required is just that

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touch that handshake, a smile of furrowed brow of concern, all

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important and quickly becoming lost arts. So take the time as

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the woman in YouTube, the YouTube video did make a

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positive difference through the use of your words. Change your

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words, change your world. So the conversation that you have had,

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or the oral message and the message being conveyed through

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the person's body language, we're not in sync. How can make

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you feel if you oversee people in any capacity, can you think

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of ways that you might be able to move to big have a better

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communicator and make that difference. In my book, I also

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write about conflict. And they start with a quote by Albert

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Einstein, in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.

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Now, I suspect at some point in our careers, we've all offered

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our skills in conflict laden situations. Individuals not

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getting along someone not pulling their weight, dealing

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with tardiness, excessive absenteeism, bad behavior, rules

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not being followed. You know, enough, all the examples. And

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all too often these get tolerated, ignored, excused, and

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basically not dealt with. I've been in situations and allowed

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me to address many of these issues issues, often

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successfully, not always. Are they others where I've been

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stymied in doing so. I've also been the avoider giving far too

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much leeway to individuals who didn't require that yet another

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chance, have been the leader who didn't act in a timer timely

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manner. I've also been the leader who coached another only

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to watch the required action never happened. Why? Well, I can

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speak to my own difficulty when conflict management and where it

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comes from. I grew up in an environment where there was one

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type of punishment and there was no talking involved. As a

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family, it was basically do as you're told, we didn't yell. But

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it was also not taught how to resolve conflict in a healthy

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manner. my Bachelor of Business Admin degree didn't touch the

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subject. So I probably like you learned through experience, that

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a lot of mistakes along the way, and have benefited from

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individuals like conflict specialist Gary Harper, who

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helped me put a different light on the subject of conflict. And

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as I shared in the last podcast, he has an excellent book the joy

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of conflict resolution. And he talks about conflict being a

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signal that something needs attention. He also talked about

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every conflict, always involving a victim, a hero and a villain.

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And we experience all three of these have been different

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points. He had us do a role playing exercise that helped me

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see conflict from the perspective of all three roles.

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And it really helped me understand the part that I was

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playing in conflicts that I was dealing with the time being

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willing to see a situation from the others perspective, is

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really helpful and understanding where they're coming from. And

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it's also super helpful in building empathy and finding

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collaborative resolutions. To read and it wasn't through Gary,

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that many of the things that trigger us are also signs for us

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to heed. There might be something in ourselves, that

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means looking at mirrors to our blind spots, and we all have

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buttons. So building our comfort and capability and dealing

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appropriately with conflict needs constant polishing. I'm

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reminded of a situation where I was working with a union rep

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that I felt quite challenged by I found him rude and

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disrespectful, unwilling to listen and unhelpful in a

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situation that requires both to tackle things together. Yet Prix

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racing, a matter that I've felt has been resolved. It's only

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dawned on me recently, that he probably could have said the

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same things about me. Perhaps if I'd given him the respect to

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hear him out on the matter, that was obviously still a problem

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for him. You might have provided me with the same we were both

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being bullheaded. We're both so intent on being right, that we

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lost the opportunity to find a better way of working together.

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Thomas Crump provides us with wise words, in a conflict, be

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willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a

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viewing point, a higher marks bounce of place, which we see

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both sides. conflict avoidance happens all the time. We want

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people to like us having to call someone out on their behavior

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leaves many of us anxious. This is where teaching moments are so

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so valuable. So addressing an undesired action when an

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individual is just exhibited that action means the learning

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is timely and the required Word changed behavior, it's so much

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easier to reference.

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There are lots of excellent courses available will help us

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with the right words, process and timing for those required

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conversations, because when we don't have them, the individual

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is sometimes unaware of the need to change. And our inaction

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creates ripples because others are also likely experiencing the

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undesirable situation, and may also be suffering as a result.

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It's important we learn to do this well. So the one our life

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circumstances, necessitate conflict resolution at home, in

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our sports teams, or their families, or their friends, we

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can appropriately step up. When you deal with conflict, are you

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really able to listen to what the person is saying? without

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interrupting? Are they finished? Might complex situations be

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indicators of your own blind spots that get in your way? Have

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you ever considered but they these might be indicators of

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your own unmet needs. So excerpts from the book,

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leadership truly is from the inside out. And we do affect

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change from within us. First within ourselves, and as we

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change that can't help but change our organizations as

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well. You know, if you've listened to the podcast, that I

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encourage you to dare to soar, because I truly believe that you

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can. I conclude the book with the use of acronyms. As we move

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into the next year, you might find these helpful. When you

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wish to soar. Start with s for silence. Take time to be quiet

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and to reflect. Oh are open. Remember to keep yourself open.

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A are aware. Use them using all of your senses, including your

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intuition. Are for reflect might be the ripples. Think about what

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might happen. When you dare to take action, there's a fair

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word. Be for decide, make that decision, a per act. Act on that

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decision are for regard the potential and the actual

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ripples, feedback on awareness that paying attention and E. Re

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engage and expand, encourage and energize and embracing the real

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you. I wish you success. I wish you strength as you choose to

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build your own wings and to find the thermals that will take you

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where you wish to go. Finally as Michael Suor Alex's Tueller

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reminds us the bad news is Time flies. The good news is you're

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the pilot. So just do it. There to soar. Thank you for listening

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and for supporting HR inside out. And if I piqued your

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curiosity, my book leadership Inside Out effecting change from

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within is available on Amazon. It's a fun read. And the link is

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in the show notes to the podcast. wishing you and yours

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the very best of the holiday season. Good health, happiness

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and much success in 2024 to help you learn with you again next

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month, Susan signing out. Bye for now.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for HR Inside Out
HR Inside Out
Demystifying HR & People Management

About your host

Profile picture for Susan Ney

Susan Ney

Susan has worked with people all her life. As a human resources professional she has specialized in all aspects of employment, from hiring to retirement. She got her start as a national representative for a large Canadian union. After pursuing an undergrad degree in business administration, Susan transitioned to HR management, where she aspired to bring both employee and management perspectives to her work. She retired from her multi-decade career in HR to pursue writing and consulting, and to be able, in her words, to “colour outside the lines.” She promises some fun and lots of learning in this, her podcast HR Inside Out: Demystifying HR & People Management. Susan also holds a Master of Arts in Leadership and Training.